


When You’ve Fallen In A Forest

by dearzoemurphy



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Gen, Suicide trigger warning, aftermath of suicide, vent - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 04:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15041039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearzoemurphy/pseuds/dearzoemurphy
Summary: ***WARNING: do not read if triggered by discussion of suicide and the aftermath of such an event***alternatively titled, how the Murphys found out what happened to Connor





	When You’ve Fallen In A Forest

**Author's Note:**

> I think this is the darkest fic I’ve ever written, but it comes from a place of darkness, a place I’ve been to, a place my friends have been to, a place we’ve been to together. Just another reminder not to read this if discussion of suicide makes you uncomfortable or triggered, but it’s nothing worse than what’s found in DEH itself. I hope you all get something out of this deep dive, if not enjoyment, then maybe some connection or feeling. <3

  
It was just like every other night in the Murphy household. Connor had texted saying that he was going over to a friend’s house to study, like he said most nights. No one questioned this, even though he often grumbled about not having any friends. The remaining family members ate dinner together, being pleasantly silent for the most part, breaking the silence occasionally only to exchange small talk about their days or for Larry and Cynthia to give passive aggressive retorts to each other. Zoe sat in silence, uncomfortably picking at her food like she did whenever this happened. Cynthia’s chicken parm wasn't as dry as usual, which Larry offered as a compliment, but the chef took as an insult. When the three finally finished their meal, Zoe carried the dirty dishes over and began washing them like usual. Cynthia checked the time and sighed, remarking how she hoped Connor wouldn't miss his school night curfew, like usual. Larry made himself a cup of coffee and sat down in his easy chair, opened up a newspaper, and turned on the news, like usual.

Due to Larry’s penchant for nightly news, all found out by way of a Channel 7’s breaking news report. What could be more appropriate, honestly? The story broke approximately seven minutes after the Murphy family television set was turned on. In those few last moments of innocence and blissful ignorance, Zoe was scrubbing a plate and chatting with her mom about school, and jazz band, and Cynthia was listening to her daughter, nodding along, cleaning the countertop. Larry was about to take a sip of coffee when the breaking news alert rang through the house. Both Zoe and Cynthia’s interest was piqued, leading them to peer around the corner and see what the hot new story was. None of them knew quite what he had been expecting to hear. But it certainly wasn't what they actually heard.

“Breaking news, a local teen has been found dead on a bench in Conestee Park, suspected to have overdosed. He has so far remained unidentified, however he was carrying a knife with the name Connor engraved on the handle. He appears to have been a Caucasian male in his late teens, was wearing a grey hoodie and dark pants, and has shoulder length brown hair. Please call the hotline below if you have any information and this description matches someone you know,” the anchor said, almost robotically.

Zoe dropped the plate she was holding. Cynthia’s jaw dropped in horror and her hand moved to cover her mouth. Larry’s hand began shaking so much that coffee began to slosh out of his mug. None of them flinched at the sound of the plate shattering.

“Do you think…” Cynthia squeaked.

“What the hell else would I think! Of course it's Connor, let's not kid ourselves here,” Larry snapped back, barely able to set down his mug without breaking it, then quickly jumping out of his recliner.

“Oh Jesus Christ Larry, you don't have to be so short about it!” Cynthia cried, silent tears beginning to flow down her cheeks.

“What do we do?” Zoe murmured, leaning against a wall and rubbing her temples.

“What do we do, we call Connor’s phone first and see if anyone picks up, and if no one does, we go to the police station and say we've identified the dead kid on the park bench,” Larry said, a slightly stressed and frightened laugh escaping his lips as he scrambled for his glasses.

Cynthia gasped. “Larry! You can't…you can't say things like that!” she screamed tearfully.

Zoe snapped out of her daze and reached over to her mother to place a hand on her shoulder. Larry rolled his eyes. “I'm sorry I'm stressed out and have no filter right now, but in case you forgot, yes, our son was most likely found dead in a park,”

Both Cynthia and Zoe stood trembling, the younger caramel haired girl coming to her senses first.

“Here, Mom, just take a seat here, I’ll make you a cup of tea…” Zoe murmured, strained, but attempting to be calming.

“Thank you dear, but I’m going to the station with your father,” Cynthia said pointed, gazing icily at her husband.

Larry sighed. “Let’s all go then. Better to be together for it anyway, I guess,” he said simply, grabbing his keys and opening the front door.

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

When the family reached the police station and got inside, Cynthia was already sobbing, Zoe doing her best to comfort her mother and shoving whatever confusing things she was feeling aside. The front desk clerk looked at the group, confused.

“Hi, can I help you?” she asked.

“Yes, we believe the dead teenager found in the park is…is ours,” Larry responded, voice cracking.

The clerk’s face darkened. “Oh. I see. I’ll call Sheriff Owen up right away,” she said, looking down and busying herself with the phone.

A y’all man came or from the back room. “No need. Hi, I’m Sheriff Owen. And you-“ he started, striding towards Larry.

“The kid’s father, yeah,” the grey haired man replied.

The sheriff took a deep breath. “Yeah. Now, we’d like to have you identify him through pictures of the body, if you’re okay with that. If you need to wait, by all means, please let me-“

“I can handle it,” Larry said shakily.

“I’ll come too,” a small voice rang out in the front room, “I need to hear all the details myself to believe any of it.”

Zoe stood up defiantly, looking to her father. Cynthia only nodded, knowing she wasn’t strong enough yet, and sending her daughter in her stead.

Larry sighed. “Fine. Come along,” he beckoned, too tired to fight as the sheriff led them in back to his office, leaving a sobbing Cynthia and an uncomfortable and underpaid deal clerk behind.

Once in his office, the sheriff produced a file. “Peruse it, if you will. Make sure the belongings are your child’s and that is him, if you can,” he started as Larry began leaving through the file, Zoe peering over his shoulder, “he- he passed peacefully, as far as we can tell,” he finished.

“What’s…what’s with the red lines. On his face,” Larry asked, shaking.

“He passed face down on a bench, and had been there for quite some time before anyone found him. The- the slats on the bench made a temporary imprint. They should…be gone, if you…you know,” the sherrif stuttered out.

Larry sighed again and closed the file, pushing it to the other side of the desk. “That is him. That is our Connor,” he said darkly.

Sheriff Owen nodded sadly. “I’m so sorry, sir. Ma’am,” he said, looking to Larry then Zoe.

“I’ll go tell Mom,” the young girl said, voice barely above a whisper as she tucked in her chair and bolted out of the room. She heard a snippet about a morgue, and ran even faster to reach her mother. As she burst out through the door to the lobby, Cynthia shot up straight.

“Is he…” she squeaked out breathlessly.

“Yes,” Zoe responded simply. They rushed to each other and embraced, tear pouring down both faces.

“The…the sheriff said he passed peacefully,” she offered.

Cynthia drew away slightly. “At least he died looking at the beautiful park, the green space and the trees and flowers and happy families and children playing together,” she said hysterically, fighting back tears as she clutched her chest.

Zoe didn't have the heart to tell her that Connor died face down. She simply swallowed the lump in her throat and placed a tentative hand on her mother’s shoulder. “Yeah. He used to love that park, he probably chose it for a reason. He wanted to be there,” she said, attempting to be comforting.

However, her words had the opposite effect, as Cynthia's face fell. “But he didn't want to be here. In this world. With us,” she said quietly.

Zoe was at a loss for words, so she simply took her mother in her arms and let her cry.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I know this wasn’t anything like my usual fics, but it’s an idea that’s been bugging me for forever until I finally wrote it down. As always, leave all comments and criticisms in the comments below, and thanks again for reading. <3


End file.
